That allergy trial that was a failure, can be a learning success.
Here are 6 things we can learn from our allergy firsts – good and bad.
I have been thinking about so many of our “firsts” while writing and looking through recipes. When dealing with food allergies and contact allergies, there are so many “firsts.” The first time you trialed a new food and it was a pass! This is definitely a time to celebrate. A new, safe food exists! The first time you trialed a new food and it was a fail…back to the drawing board you go. The first successful day at school. YAY! The journey can feel like a roller-coaster with ups and downs, neck-jerking twists and turns, adrenaline rushing excitement and crashes. I remember so many of the food trials, and the re-trials. The packing for our first big road trip, days away from home in another state. School has always been a big adventure and challenge with food and contact allergies – changing schools, changing teachers, changing activities. I learn something from each failure and success.
1. SUCCESS
With every “first” comes success. I had a very wise person tell me to look for the small details because the details paint the big picture. Even with failure, comes success because we made the attempt, and we can move forward to try again. When we have a successful food trial, that is one more safe food on the menu. Even a failed food trial is a success because we know that food will not work for us right now, it’s on the ‘Do Not Eat’ list. With the first successful outing at a park or museum, comes another boost of confidence that there is one more safe place to have fun, and add a bit of normalcy in our lives. I remember the first time my son successfully wore a swimsuit without having a bad reaction to the material. That little success meant things were getting better!
2. WHAT WORKS
We learn very quickly what works. With every “first,” look at what worked well that time. When you trial a new food, what worked well for you? Was it the time of a day? Did trialing at a specific meal work best with your schedule? With little ones, finding the right time, amount, and texture is a huge accomplishment. When you travel, what worked best for transporting food for eating in the vehicle, foods to heat and eat on arrival, and what type of foods travel best? With each successful activity, you will add to your arsenal of what works well for you!
3. WHAT DOESN’T WORK
Conversely to #2, we learn very quickly what does NOT work well. What activities don’t work well for you. Which products don’t work well for you, and which foods do not travel well. On one of our first family out-of-state trips, we flew on commercial airlines and it was a week long trip. At the end of our vacation, we were flying home with a layover and a delay in an airport. I pulled out some bread I had baked before we left on our vacation, but now, by the end of our vacation, with all of the days and various environments, my son’s bread had already molded. Failure. He was upset he had no bread to eat, and I was left scrounging trying to find something he could eat. I’ve had many more of those lessons through the years, and each one made the next experience better. Now, I can look back and laugh at many of them.
4. IMPROVEMENT
With each good and bad experience, we learn, and we improve. The way we prepare food, store food, search for solutions, search for recipes, discern if a restaurant is safe, and prepare a school food plan, all of these things improve with each experience we have. With every food trial that took place in our house, I learned how to improve the process of the next one. With every failed recipe I created, I improved a recipe somewhere down the road. I can’t say the very next recipe was a success, but they got better!
5. OUR CHILDREN
If you are on a food allergy journey with your child(ren), you will learn a lot about them. Once you start finding safe foods they can eat, then they want to share their preferences with you! They “like” and “dislike” things. We learn so much about our children through all of the successes and failures of trying different foods, trying different activities, traveling, and just living life each and every day. I remember a birthday party to which my son was invited. He was almost 4 years old, and his friend was turning 4 years old. I had asked the mom in advance if there would be anything with nuts, tree nuts or peanuts, at the party because my son had a severe contact allergy to nuts. She assured me that there would be nothing with nuts. I asked if there would be cake or cupcakes. Because of food allergies, I would need to bring a substitute. I brought two cookies to substitute for the cupcake. At the party they had some other candies, drinks, and fun items/party favors with candy that I didn’t know would be there. My son came to me, looked up at me with his sweet little face, and asked, “Are they friendly? Can I eat them?” The answer was no, they were not safe for him to eat. My heart broke, and I cried myself to sleep that night. I learned to be better prepared, and to ask more detailed questions because it mattered to my child that he had something similar to experience like the other children. I still do a lot of advocating and planning so that my son can participate in activities and not be excluded just because of foods.
6. OURSELVES
We learn so much about ourselves as we journey through food allergies. With every “first,” we learn about our capacity to celebrate each accomplishment, and our ability to adapt and improve. I started this food journey because of my child, but have applied so much of what I’ve learned to myself. Due to constant challenges with FPIES, food allergies, food plans, food trials, doctors, and working outside the home, I have gained patience, discernment, and knowledge. I know so much about things I didn’t even know existed a dozen years ago!
I hope you have remembered a few more of your “firsts.” If you are just beginning your food allergy journey, please remember the success that can come from a challenging situation. Remember the little things, for when you look back, you will see how far you have come.
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